Why do People Pleasers Attract Cheaters

People pleasers possess several qualities that a cheater might find enticing. This attraction boils down to psychological attributes by both parties. As a people pleaser be aware of what kind of people you’re attracting and watch for people that might benefit from taking advantage of you. Recognize the following characteristics in yourself to ward off cheaters.

People Pleasers are Agreeable

People pleasers are often more agreeable and tolerant than people with boundaries in place. Their tolerance of bad behavior is attractive to someone who has a track record of cheating. The cheater is able to have the long-term caring relationship but search out the need for dopamine hits with side relationships. Cheaters are usually also manipulative, and a people pleaser likes to please so can easily fall into the trap of being manipulated.

Low Self-esteem

Low self-esteem is common in people pleasers. They will search for validation from others because of low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Someone with cheating tendencies could easily take advantage of this extreme need for validation. A cheater can get away with more than they might be able to with someone who has high self-esteem and not needing validation from others.


Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment runs deep within the people pleaser. There’s a good chance they developed people pleasing behaviors because of their fear of abandonment in childhood. This fear, however, causes the people pleaser to stay in unhealthy relationships. Even in the face of infidelity, the people pleaser will stay and justify their commitment to a cheater all to avoid feeling abandoned.

Easily Forgive

The ability to forgive is a healthy trait. It becomes unhealthy when we’re constantly forgiving people with a pattern of behaviors. As the cliche saying goes “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. Basically, if someone shows you they’re a cheater, believe them. Don’t let them show you 5, 10, 20 times. People pleasers forgive so easily because we don’t want to cause conflict. Notice this trait in yourself, and don’t let anyone take advantage of your forgiving heart.

People Pleasers Unite Against Cheaters

Take the time to learn what qualities in yourself a cheater could take advantage of. Are you agreeable? Do you have low self-esteem? Have you found yourself fearing rejection or abandonment? Do you always forgive others?

If you find yourself exhibiting these people pleasing behaviors, think twice before entering into that serious relationship or before believing everything someone tells you. When there’s a gut instinct that something doesn’t add up, PAY ATTENTION!

Don’t try to navigate these issues alone, you can find great therapists online at Better Help https://www.betterhelp.com/ter. It’s a convenient way to access a very beneficial tool.

Jenn Kemp, PMHNP, is a dedicated psychiatric and mental health nurse practitioner with a personal and professional commitment to helping others overcome people-pleasing behaviors. Having navigated her own journey through these habits, Jenn combines clinical expertise with genuine empathy to guide her readers towards healthier, more authentic lives.

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